Rain On Utopia
by RoxiWitch
Summary: Light is peace, happiness. But obscure the Light with Darkness, there is nothing. Not even the past can change it. Vexing the Darkness only breeds jealousy, hatred, anger. It would be wise to leave well enough alone. To accept fate.
1. Chapter 1

Leaving much work undone, Ansem left only Xehanort and Ienzo at the castle. Xehanort was not yet mentally prepared for the festivity, and Ienzo was too young to be out so late at night.

Even was simply devastated that he had to leave the lab. Ansem only laughed at the complaining he heard on the way to the opera house. His apprentices worked too hard sometimes. This was a well-deserved treat.

Braig, on the other hand, was enjoying the prospect of hot women. He tried spreading his enthusiasm to Aeleus and Dilan, but those two could care less. The three guards wore their uniforms. To Braig's delight, a few women looked their way.

Halfway through the dinner, Braig had had a few drinks (he also told "battle stories" to a few ladies nearby to explain the eyepatch and scar, yet Aeleus and Dilan doubted they were true). By the time the ball began, the one-eyed man was plastered.

"There you two are." Even found Aeleus and Dilan among the crowd of exquisite gowns and suits (Even's light blue suit was the most ridiculous one there). They were invisible in their corner.

"Hey!" Braig came out of nowhere, throwing himself onto Evan and Aeleus' shoulders. He looked Even over. "What's with this? Did your momma dress you tonight?"

Even huffed, "At least I look respectable, unlike you!"

"I'm not dry humping in public yet, am I?" Braig countered. He turned his focus onto Aeleus. The smell of alcohol on his breath was almost overwhelming. "Hey man, I'm tired of you being so anti-social all the time."

He fell off of Even's shoulders and into Aeleus' chest. Braig pointed over to the stage, where live music was being performed. The current singer was a young woman. Her vibrant red hair was cut short, with two long bangs framing her child-like face. She was average height and thin. Her dress was a wine red satin. It reached the floor. The woman's shoulders would have been bare, had not a satin piece been fixed around her back, attached by a rose on each side of her collarbone.

In harmony with the song, the woman's voice was sweet. She could hit high was well as low notes. It was ideal for the slow song she sang.

"See that girl there? She's Radiant Garden's rising star. And you're gonna dance with her for the next song." Braig slurred out with a crooked grin. He held onto Aeleus as he almost fell flat on the floor.

"Braig, no-" Aeleus shook his head.

"C'mon man! You never do anything fun! Just this one dance. I already asked some girls to help me get you two together for it!" Braig slipped himself off of Aeleus as the song ended. The woman made her way off stage as a duet climbed on. Suddenly Braig could keep himself up, along with slowly pulling the taller man into the crowd. They argued the whole time.

Once they were in the middle of the dance floor, Braig stopped his pulling and shoving (he alternated when he could no longer budge Aeleus one way). Four girls came out of nowhere, flocking to Braig.

"This is foolish." Aeleus began to walk back, but Braig gave a final shove. Aeleus stumbled back into someone. He turned around to see it was the woman he was supposed to dance with. He towered over her. A glance behind his shoulders, Aeleus found Braig and his ladies had already disappeared.

"I'm sorry." Aeleus felt his face become hot. He had never been comfortable around women, preferring to direct them towards the other apprentices to deal with (when they had to, which was rare). He tried not making eye contact with the woman, but found her wide grey eyes hard to resist. He decided that one dance would be fine, just to make Braig happy.

"It's alright." She barely got out of her mouth.

"Would you like to dance?" Aeleus stammered, never having done this sort of thing before. He offered his hand. Later he would get his hands around Braig's neck.

Confused at first, the woman smiled and took his giant hand with her petite one. The duet began their slow song. She put her other hand on his shoulder, his hand going to the middle of her back. They moved slowly, mainly rotating in the basic steps. Surprisingly, they moved naturally together. Aeleus didn't have to work too hard at it, although he had always been a clumsy dancer.

"What's your name?" The woman asked.

"Aeleus." He answered simply.

She flashed him another friendly grin. "I'm Tashana."

With that, they seemed to relax with each other. Conversation was easier to achieve, although she seemed mesmerized by the song.

"Are you a soldier?"

"Guard." He corrected.

Her eyes widened with realization. "Oh! You're one of the King's special guests!"

Without knowing it at first, Aeleus broke out into a smile as she looked down to laugh at herself.

"Sorry. Everyone in the theater has been excited about you guys coming. I'm new, so I didn't realize who you guys were." Tashana looked back up at him. Her eyes emphasized her youth, and curiosity.

"Have you ever been to the castle?" Aeleus was a little surprised that she didn't know much about the area, until she said that she was new. Though some days the castle was open for some tourists, if they knew the right people.

"No. I moved here two months ago for a part in the next opera. I'm from the outside." Tashana explained. "Though I heard it's beautiful."

"Perhaps I can show you sometime?" Aeleus began to think less and less about what he was saying. Actually, this was the most casual he had been with someone in awhile.

She took a second for that to sink in. "Really?"

He nodded. "When is the opera?"

"Next week." Tashana informed.

Aeleus once again didn't think. He couldn't avoid her eyes either, making more of a fool of himself. He wasn't even drunk. "You sing beautifully."

Tashana's cheeks grew red as she smiled. "Thank you."

They fell silent for the rest of the song. Both were content to be that way. In fact, they spent the rest of the evening together. Even and Dilan remained where they were while they saw what happened to their fellow apprentice. Braig joined them to gawk. They did not find humor in Braig's prank as they should have. Instead, they were just... surprised.

Eventually Aeleus and Tashana parted once the ball was over. Braig had passed out by then, barely decent to be seen in public. Tashana snuck to the balcony in front of the opera house to watch as Ansem and his four apprentices left in a carriage.

"You could've picked a better dance partner than that." One of the other minor actresses joined Tashana. "There were better looking men in there, and plenty of them, too!"

Tashana looked at her for a moment with an amused look, then she rested her elbow on the edge. Her chin sat in her hand as she turned back to the carriage fading away into the darkness.

"Well, he was cute in his own way."

_ The Burning Desire To Live And Roam Free  
It Shines In The Dark  
And It Grows Within Me  
You're Holding My Hand But You Don't Understand  
So Where I Am Going, You Won't Be In The End _

Braig hurled harshly into the toilet of the small bathroom in the guard's quarters. It was not a way to start the day, but only Dilan seemed a little irritated by it. He rolled his eyes at the noise.

"Moron..." He grumbled as he put his boots on.

"I don't regret it! At least I enjoyed myself last night, unlike you!" Braig shouted from the bathroom.

"Shows how little you know." Dilan smirked.

Peeking out from where he sat in the bathroom, Braig squinted in the light. "Hey Ael, when I told you to go dance with that chick, I meant just for one song. Not the whole night! Just one dance was enough to prove your sportsmanship."

Aeleus didn't reply. He glanced at Braig, before turning his back to him again. Aeleus smiled to himself as he went through the list of things to do in the castle that day. Set up or not, he had enjoyed himself.

There was silence as Braig sat there pondering. He received no scowl or scorn from forcing the giant to do something he didn't want to do. Then it hit Braig. He threw his head back, guffawing.

"Oh man! You can't be serious!" He said in between fits of laughter.

"What now?" Dilan groaned, looking over at the mess on the floor called Braig.

"He's in love!" He pointed at Aeleus, who turned around.

Dilan chuckled, shaking his head. "An actress? Really? She seems a bit... too much for you."

Braig snorted now in his laughter. "No man, I'm a matchmaker! It's a match in Heaven! Hey maybe I can hook you up, Dilan!"

"I doubt that."

Their conversation ignored Aeleus. Which was fine with him. He didn't realize it until Braig spoke up. He was much cheerier that day, he went to sleep thinking of Tashana – and he hadn't even forgotten her name yet. Even more so, Aeleus was planning on meeting her again. So this was love.

_I'm Dreaming In Colors  
Of Getting The Chance  
I'm Dreaming Of China; The Perfect Romance  
In Search Of The Door To Open Your Mind  
In Search Of The Cure Of Mankind _

The crowd inside was great and all, but Tashana stepped outside onto the balcony. No one else was out there because of the chilly air. She should have grabbed something to wear over the black evening gown. It stuck to her, fanning out so she could move her legs. It also had spaghetti straps on her shoulders.

Out of all the people packed into the opera house, Tashana had looked for one face that was not there. She sat down on a bench in the corner, elbows in her lap and chin on her fists. Her lips pouted. The costume designer of the theater had warned of this: Mr. Perfect would come by once, never to return again. She had seen it happen all the time to actresses, especially the ones that wanted to be whisked away.

Tashana loved her place here, and knew that she was climbing up the ladder to better roles. Yet there was something missing. She enjoyed the singing. The acting Tashana could care less for. Then there was something more that she wanted, but didn't know what it was to begin with. It confused her. She had everything she needed for a successful life.

A large shadow blocked the light overflowing out of the building. Tashana looked up from her musings to find the known part of her search standing there. She stood up, almost going over to hug him before thinking otherwise. "Aeleus!"

"You'll catch a cold staying out here like this, and then where will your voice be?" He said. With that, he stepped towards her. He offered the large bouquet of flowers that was in his arms to Tashana. She took it gently, now believing that she fell asleep and was dreaming. As she read the scrawl on the small card, something large and warm was draped over her shoulders. The jacket of Aeleus' black tuxedo.

"Thank you." Tashana looked back at him. Aeleus was smiling softly.

They sat on the bench side by side. Tashana tried convincing herself that he had actually come back, that the feelings hadn't been one-sided. Obviously now it wasn't.

"Did you bring the other guys with you too?" She grinned.

Aeleus shook his head. "I came alone."

Their conversation went on lightly for some time. Eventually they went deeper, losing track of time. They learned many things about each other in just a few hours.

"So where do you come from?" Tashana asked, holding hands with Aeleus as they looked up at the stars.

"I've been here all along. Ansem chose me as one of his apprentices once I graduated college." He explained. He squeezed her hand tenderly with his. "What about you?"

Tashana looked at him. She took a moment to reply. "Promise you won't tell anyone?"

Aeleus looked down at her. He only nodded, concerned.

"I always wanted to come here, and sing for a living. My parents held me back. They wouldn't let me move out, so I ran away." Tashana explained, her smile smaller. "Well, it's not really running away when I'm twenty-five, is it? By the time I get big enough here, they won't be able to touch me, even if they tried."

Aeleus let it become silent for a moment before asking, "Can you sing for me?"

Tashana looked down from the sky. For a moment, he was sure she wouldn't. Then she began:

"_There's a song that's inside of my soul__  
__It's the one that I've tried to write over and over again__  
__I'm awake in the infinite cold__  
__But You sing to me over and over and over again__"_

She took a second to adjust her voice back to normal. "It's my favorite slow song."

Silence returned. The stars no longer held the universe for either of them. Instead, the other's eyes did. Tashana felt engulfed in the ocean of Aeleus' blue eyes. They seemed to glow in the dark, having their own stars. In them, she felt everything she desired.

It was the young, playfulness she held that attracted Aeleus. He would have never tried keeping eye contact with another person. Yet here he was doing just that. He wanted to fill the needing in her eyes.

They both began to speak at the same time of the same thought, then stopped to blush in happy nervousness. Tashana turned away for a moment, then quickly returned back to his eyes.

"You first." Aeleus said in a hushed voice.

"No, you can." Tashana smiled.

He tried to stay as least awkward as he could. To show that he meant everything, he never broke his eyes away from hers. "I feel like I've known you for a lifetime. Yet it has only been a week."

Knowing entered her gaze. Tashana waited patiently for him to go on.

"I don't... act so much like this around others." This was the wrong approach. Her grin beckoned Aeleus to just blurt out what he really thought. "I love you."

Tashana gave his hand a gentle squeeze. She looked down at their hands. "I'm always warned about running off with some guy. That he'll ditch me somewhere, and I won't be able to make my way back. But I _know_ you're not that man. I don't care what the girls say. I'm in love with you."

She looked up to see that Aeleus was smiling as well. "So I guess that means we're courting now?"

Aeleus took his hand away to put his arm around her shoulders. Tashana put her flowers in her lap to hug him. They were an unlikely pair, completely mismatched to the common eye. Only closer skepticism could see what truly attracted the two.

_Help Us We're Drowning  
So Closed Up Inside  
_

It was another month before Aeleus gave Tashana a tour of the castle. There were many chances to do it before. Aeleus wanted to get a time when the other apprentices would be preoccupied. Or so he thought.

Tashana was entranced by the architecture. She and Aeleus walked with linked arms in the courtyard. He smiled at the curiosity she showed.

A catcall reached down to them. Up a few stories, sitting in a large open window, Braig hooted at them.

"Ael and his woman sitting in a tree, K-I-S-S-I-N-G!"

Frowning up at the lanky man, Aeleus tried to ignore the taunt. Tashana giggled.

"Isn't he the one that had most of the understudies fawning over him at the ball?" She recognized the red scarf.

"Braig." Aeleus introduced. He was either off-duty like Aeleus or ignoring his duties. Obviously he somehow knew of Aeleus' plans.

"I bet he does." Tashana smirked.

"That's his name." Aeleus chuckled. She giggled again.

Going inside, the couple resumed their happiness. Neither noticed Xehanort hiding behind the grand doors. He watched them go by the elegant stairs to the rest of the first floor. The expression on Xehanort's face was sour. Braig had said Aeleus was courting someone. He seemed very... distracted by this woman.

Much was discussed about as Aeleus and Tashana moved through the castle. The place was magnificent, with little history behind it. She loved every inch of the castle. Sunlight shone bright and warmly through huge windows on each floor. The kitchen had a homely feel to it, instead of a factory appearance like a huge building would have. Two curving stairways led to a platform on the second floor. A large balcony on the second floor overlooked the backyard. The gardens were plentiful, the hedges finely trimmed.

Each apprentice had a large room to themselves. Aeleus did not spent a whole lot of time at his, nor did he at the lab. He wasn't supposed to reveal that they had one. Even reminded Aeleus of just that when they entered.

"She's not supposed to be down here." Even chided, too deep in his microscope to go further into a lecture.

"I know." Aeleus responded. Ienzo came out of hiding in a cabinet.

"Hey there." Tashana smiled. "I'm Tashana."

Ienzo continued to stare up at her.

"Why don't you two watch him? I can't while I'm doing research." Even waved them away while writing on a clipboard.

"Sure." Tashana offered her hand to the child. He kept looking up at her, but held her hand as they went outside.

"So what are you guys researching?" She asked as they walked. The basement was considerably darker than the rest of the castle.

"I can't tell you." Aeleus said. Tashana didn't question it anymore.

Once outside, they walked through the back gardens some before settling down on the grass by a fountain. The couple leaned back, hands supporting them from falling onto their backs. Nearby, Ienzo played with a puzzle.

"He's quiet, just like you." Tashana noted in a hushed tone.

"Ienzo was orphaned until Ansem took him in. He's smart for his age." Aeleus explained.

"Poor thing." She cooed. He glanced at her. "He's lucky to be living with you guys."

They watched the small boy as he played in the grass. A breeze blew gently.

"A beautiful day, isn't it?" A deep voice came from behind them. Aeleus and Tashana looked to see Ansem the Wise standing with his hands behind his back.

Tashana scrambled up to her feet to bow. "Master Ansem!"

He smiled heartily. They shook hands as Aeleus stood up. "So you're the girl the guards have been talking about."

"My name's Tashana." She introduced herself. "You have a wonderful place. I've always wanted to come here since I was little."

Ansem laughed. "I'm glad you could come. I hear that the opera is blooming."

"Yes." Tashana smiled. "We're starting a new production."

"I should bring my apprentices when the opera is performed. Though I'm sure Aeleus has already seen plenty of your performances." Ansem chuckled. The guard smiled in bashfulness.

"I know." Tashana wrapped her arm around one of Aeleus'. She looked up at him and winked.

The sun eventually began to set. Tashana had to get back to the opera house. She and Aeleus were still sitting on the lawn. Ansem and Ienzo had gone awhile ago.

"What're you thinking?" Tashana asked her usual question, leaning against Aeleus. It was typically how she got him to talk.

He had nothing on his mind, other than that moment. Braig hadn't come by to harass them. Ansem must have sent him on an important task.

"We should probably get you back." Aeleus sighed.

"Why do the best things in life have to end?" Tashana asked.

He stood up, pulling her up after him. They stared at each other with bashful smiles. Tashana looked at their feet. She suddenly stood on her toes, putting their lips together. Tashana fell back quickly. She grinned playfully. "Thanks."

Aeleus smirked. "I think you can do better than that."

"Oh?" She daringly lifted her eyebrows.

Just as fast as Tashana had moved, he leaned into her lips. He went deeper into the kiss. She wrapped her arms around his neck. Aeleus held onto her waist.

Several minutes passed before they left. They kissed once more that night – in front of the opera house, before they parted.

_Why Does It Rain, Rain, Rain Down On Utopia?  
Why Does It Have To Kill The Ideal Of Who We Are?  
Why Does It Rain, Rain, Rain Down On Utopia?  
And When The Lights Die Down, Telling Us Who We Are? _

A year passed before Tashana finally became the lead role. She visited the castle often. Braig's taunts became worse, but Tashana had something to always counter with (and he enjoyed those battles of wit). Even did not mind her – as long as she babysat Ienzo. Other than that, Dilan and Xehanort did not like having Tashana around. She was too much of a distraction.

It took some persuading at the theater to get help. Many actresses and the costume designer did not like Aeleus, but the director overruled their opinions. He was ecstatic.

After the final performance of their latest play, actors and stage crew bustled around on and behind the stage. Tashana – who had seen every apprentice but Aeleus in the audience – was treated like a doll. Three actors were performing a small skit to buy the costume crew some time. Tashana grew worried and concerned. She never had to dress up after a performance. Aeleus never skipped a night either. Everyone kept something from Tashana.

"Ready?" The director snuck up on Aeleus, who had been hidden backstage the entire time.

He only nodded in response. Had he not worn gloves, his palms would have been sweating. As Aeleus had watched the performances, he had also stared at a small black box's contents. It was now hidden in his pocket.

"Best of luck to you." The director went on stage as the skit ended. He said some things that were lost to Aeleus. He left the stage as Tashana was led on, left in the center. She grinned and waved at the clapping audience.

Aeleus stood from his chair. Then froze. It wasn't that he didn't want it. He was taken aback that he could have romance. Feelings were given and returned. It hardly seemed possible. Now he planned on putting his private affairs out there for the world to see.

He snapped out of it quickly. Aeleus stepped out onto the stage. Tashana was surprised.

"What's going on?" She laughed nervously.

He just smiled at her. No one knew what was going on until Aeleus dropped down to one knee. The audience became exhilarated. Tashana covered her mouth and nose with both hands for a second. Tears ran down her redden cheeks when she saw the ring inside of the box. She could only nod and squeak out, "Yes."

Taking her left hand, Aeleus slipped the engagement ring on her finger. Once he stood, Tashana had her arms around his neck. She pleased the audience by getting a smooch in before being carried off stage.

"No, no, no! Ael! When I told you to get with her, I meant for a one-night stand! You can't go through with this!"

"Tashana, you don't need a man. You're an actress! Don't settle for this one."

"She hardly seems smart. She'll probably get in the way of our research."

"He's not really that good looking, and he's not rich either."

"What makes you think she won't run off with everything you have?"

"He might be perfect now. But once he's used to you, and you lose your looks and voice, he'll leave you broken. I've seen it happen many times. Commitment will ruin you. Nothing lasts forever."

Until the wedding day, those were the kind of things Aeleus and Tashana heard. They were both stubborn and would not heed the warnings. It didn't matter how fast they fell in love. Nor could it be explained by mathematical equations. Even tried. It never worked.

It was in a summer sunset while the gardens were in full bloom, since the day was used to get everything prepared. Ansem led the ceremony in the back gardens, where the couple had had their first kiss. Ienzo was chosen as ring bearer.

Tashana's shoulders were bare. The dress still had long sleeves, the cuffs having rings on her middle fingers. The gown trailed on the ground. The veil was a circlet of pearls, a teardrop-shaped one in the center. In the morning she teared up with joy. By the time it was time to walk down the laid-out white carpet, Tashana could hold it in.

In truth, Ansem was ignored until he said the keywords. Aeleus smiled at Tashana's excited grey eyes. Aeleus was better at hiding his emotions, although he was just as nervous and enthusiastic as she was. Vows were exchanged, as were the rings that glinted in the dying sunlight. And, of course, the kiss that many wanted to see. Tashana practically threw herself onto Aeleus on that one.

Guests were plenty. By then everyone realized the bride and groom would not be talked out of it. Besides, perhaps it would work out after all. It was an occasion to celebrate. The castle was open for the party that lasted until night fell.

Lanterns were lit and gently thrown in mid-air before the newlyweds left in an open carriage. The lights scattered all throughout the kingdom. Atop the wall guarding the castle from the rest of the town, Lea and Isa sat watching the celebration.

_I'm searching for answers  
not given for free  
They're hidden inside, is there life within me?  
You're holding my hand but you don't understand  
So I'm taking the road all alone in the end _

Aeleus rolled onto Tashana's side of the bed, waking up when he realized her body was not there to stop him. They had been sharing a bed for over a year now, but sometimes he was forgetful in his sleep. Usually Tashana would wake him up when that happened. She wasn't there to do it.

Groggy, Aeleus had some difficulty seeing in the darkness of his room. His clock said it was two in the morning. The bathroom light was off. A soft, tender voice sang, grabbing his attention:

"_Ancient Spirits of the Forest_

_Made him King of Elves_

_And Trees_

_He was the Only Human Being_

_Who Lived in Harmony_

_A Perfect Harmony"_

By the moonlit window, Tashana sat in a rocking chair, falling asleep in the last verse. Her arms held a month old bundle, who was asleep as well. Aeleus hadn't heard any crying during the night.

Moving out of bed, he took a blanket over to the chair. He draped it on Tashana's right shoulder, and covering her legs. Aeleus made sure not to cover up the baby, who had enough blankets on him. Tashana could be over-reactive at times. She had to quit her career for awhile to have the baby.

Aeleus went back to bed, glancing once more at the two asleep in the chair. It was incredible how much the boy already took after his father. Aeleus was nervous at first, when Tashana told him she was pregnant. Between being a guard and Xehanort's experiments, fatherhood was impossible. But Tashana was even happier now. Even if she did have to leave work. She preferred being a mother.

_I'm dreaming in colors, no boundaries are there__  
__I'm dreaming the dream, we all seem to share__  
__In search of the door, to open your mind__  
__In search of the cure of mankind_

Xehanort was seldom seen for a few days. The rest of the Apprentices had taken to avoiding Ansem, taking orders when needed and taking off as quickly as possible. He did not find it at all odd. Even Ienzo was distant. He wasn't a young boy that was always won over by sea salt ice cream anymore.

Nathan was, however. He waited with Tashana at the fountain in front of the palace gates. Nathan ran to Aeleus as he saw his father approach. Aeleus lifted Nathan into a bear hug, carrying him back over to his mother, who stood.

"So what was so great that Xehanort needed a special meeting with all of you?" Tashana smiled, planting a quick kiss on Aeleus' chin (though she had to stand on her toes in order to do so). Nathan was put down. He held Aeleus' hand while the parents talked.

"Nothing important." Aeleus said nonchalantly.

"Oh really?" Tashana laughed. "Just because I'm not in your little circle of smart people doesn't mean I don't know anything."

"It was just some lab maintenance." Aeleus shrugged.

"Hurry Dad! Before the sun goes down!" Nathan tugged towards the gate, wanting to get the ice cream.

"Don't be out late." Tashana warned as the two headed to town.

"Nathan!" Tashana's voice sounded before she entered the lab. She froze once she saw Even and Ienzo out cold on the floor, and Braig attacked. She gasped. "Xehanort! What's this?"

She took off at the dark look and menacing Keyblade. To say that Xehanort and Tashana did not get along was an understatement. Neither of them trusted each other. Now she had a very good reason not to.

"Ansem! Aeleus! Nathan!" Tashana shouted variously on her way through the castle. No one was around. In truth, Dilan and Aeleus were just entering the lab, to come upon Xehanort waiting for them. Stabbing both of them in their chests, Xehanort stalked off after the woman.

Tashana began her way back towards the lab once she saw no one in the south side of the palace, being spotted by Xehanort. She ran back where she came from. If anywhere, Ansem would be in his office. Then he would put an end to this.

"Mom?" Nathan was finally found at the staircase. Tashana just picked him up and carried him to Ansem's study as she ran. Xehanort was closing in behind her, putting little effort into the chase.

She got to the door and slammed her fists on it, putting Nathan down. Xehanort walked over casually. Tashana glanced back. She knew she had no hope now. Ansem wasn't there. She covered Nathan as the Keyblade was thrust into her back. Her grip on the boy tightened, then released. Xehanort pulled the Keyblade out. Tashana fell to the floor, a heart floating away into the air. Nathan stood there, petrified. He knelt down next to his mother and tried to shake her awake. Xehanort raised his Keyblade to attack again.

"Xehanort." Came the deep voice he was searching for. He turned around to find Ansem the Wise standing there.

_Help us we're drowning  
So closed up inside  
Why does it rain, rain, rain down on Utopia  
Why does it have to kill the ideal of who we are?  
Why does it rain, rain, rain, down on Utopia?  
And when the lights die down, telling us who we are _

Every day was a monotonous cycle. Wake, do a mission, exercise, then sleep again. There was no joy in being a Nobody. Therefore, no joy in anything.

Lexaeus showered before going to bed. He laid on his bed for perhaps a single moment before being disturbed. It was Naxsatha, who had little to do with him since the fall of Ansem. She laid on top of him, one foot swinging lazily in the air and a hand posed on his chest.

"Hello Aeleus." Naxsatha smirked. "You must be lonely. Care for some company?"

"What do you want?" Lexaeus sneered.

"You can't tell me you don't want the same thing." She propped herself up on his chest, pushing herself against him. Her face got serious. "I want you to visit our son."

Grabbing her piercing elbows from his chest, Lexaeus began pushing her away. Naxsatha threw her arms around his neck, brushing her fingers through his hair. He stopped.

"You want this." Naxsatha breathed. She continued to feel down his body. Her lips brushed his.

Naxsatha was thrown off, somehow landing on her feet. Lexaeus got up and backhanded her across the room.

"Enough." He snapped.

"Don't you remember?" Naxsatha yelled frantically, pulling herself up while covering the side of her face that was already beginning to bruise. "You could have stopped Xehanort from doing this to us! You are the same person!"

"I am not!" Lexaeus moved threateningly towards her. She backed away a few feet, knowing she was in a tight spot with a dangerous man. But that never stopped her before.

Naxsatha straightened her back. "Oh, what is a heart anyway?"

"Everything that we had before."

"Then I can't wait for you to regain yours." Naxsatha said, using Lexaeus' bitter tone. He only gave her a scornful look. She instantly got the message that her pestering would do no good, no matter how much she did it. That didn't mean she gave up.

Whip summoned, Naxsatha flicked her wrist in Lexaeus' direction in a fury. "I should have never married you in the first place!"

He took the hit across the chest, which left no mark. He charged at her, grabbing her by the neck and lifting her up. Naxsatha pulled at Lexaeus' giant hand around her skinny neck. His grip was tight. After a moment of hanging there helplessly, Naxsatha was thrown to the floor. She stayed there while she coughed and regained her breath.

"So my husband did die that day." Naxsatha realized solemnly.

"Leave."

"Well you're still a father." As he stepped forward to make her leave, Naxsatha fled.

_Why does it rain, rain, rain down on Utopia  
Why does it have to kill the ideal of who we are?  
Why does it rain, rain, rain down on Utopia  
And when the lights die down, telling us who we are  
Why does it rain? _


	2. Chapter 2

_Naxsatha walked warily through the portal that had suddenly appeared to her. She had nothing better to do in her new existence of nothingness. _

_ For awhile, Naxsatha walked along the dark coastline she found herself on. Rocks were everywhere, even in the water. The moon was enormous against the horizon. Nothing was here. _

_ "Mom!" Naxsatha heard a familiar call. Something stirred in her empty chest. Her eyes widened as she saw Nathan running over to hug her waist. He looked just as she remembered him. _

_ Farther off, Ansem sat on a rock, watching both. Naxsatha knelt down to Nathan's level. _

_ "I thought you died." He looked ready to cry. _

_ Cooing, Naxsatha smiled. "I'll never die." _

_ "Promise?" _

_ "I promise." She hugged him tightly. _

_ "Where's Dad?" _

_ Naxsatha glanced at Ansem, wearing a cloak of the Organization. Yet she had heard that he was banished here – in the Realm of Darkness. _

_ "He's fine. Just busy." Busy avoiding Naxsatha. She was doing the same to him. _

_ She stood and walked over to Ansem. Nathan held her hand. Both waited for the old man to speak. _

_ "It has been some time, Tashana." He said. _

_ "Naxsatha." She corrected. _

_ Ansem let the moment pass. "I have something to ask of you. In return for giving you your son back." _

_ He must have been the one that opened the portal for her. Naxsatha raised her nose in the air slightly. _

_ "And if I reject it?" _

_ "Then you won't see Nathan again." Something about Ansem was troubling. Even he had been affected maliciously by the Darkness, but not to the extent as the Organization was. _

_ Having spent only a few minutes with the boy so far, Naxsatha did not want to be separated from him. He brought back more memories – the ones she had difficulty remembering. It was apparent that Nathan was necessary in Naxsatha's nonexistence. _

_ "I need you to report to me everything you know of the Organization and its plans periodically." Ansem requested. _

_ "So be your spy?" Naxsatha summarized. She looked down at Nathan. "I'll do it."_

Everyone was gathered in the Grey Area by Saix. Xemnas was not present, which raised more questions than were already being asked. Finally Saix had to explain at the pestering of some of the newer members.

"The Superior has been poisoned by another member. He has put me in charge of finding the traitor." He stated in a monotone. Looks were exchanged, some uneasy, some skeptical. Saix knew that it wouldn't be long to discover the culprit.

The Diviner moved aside to Marluxia, still new to the Organization (although Larxene was the newest member). They reacted stiffly to each other.

"It appears that flowers were used against Lord Xemnas." Saix informed. "You wouldn't happen to know anything of this, would you?"

"I know nothing about this. My regards to the Superior." Marluxia bowed his head, a sympathetic hand on his chest. "Though, if they were poisonous, there is another member who could be responsible. After all, she is the only one not accounted for."

Saix raced to grab the woman once she appeared from a portal. A burqa covered most of her face, a hejab over her bright red hair. Only her fierce grey eyes told what was on her mind as she dodged the first assault. She could not get away from Xaldin, whom she bumped into. He grinned as she fought against him. Her burqa was ripped off by him. Then Xaldin was surprised.

Naxsatha's tongue was suddenly in his mouth. At first he was shocked and didn't know how to react. Then poison began to set in. Xaldin shoved Naxsatha down to the floor, covering his burning mouth as he choked and gagged.

She was grinning now, letting herself get caught by the shoulders and pulled up. "Maybe that's why you could never keep your girlfriend."

"Lexaeus, take care of her." Saix sighed frustratedly. Naxsatha was shoved forward, forced to walk through a portal.

"I like her style." Larxene whispered to Marluxia. The tense mood of the crowd was suddenly humorous. Xaldin left in another portal, still gagging on the poison.

Thrown to the ground, Naxsatha hurried to place her burqa back over her face.

"What do you think you're doing?" Lexaeus asked harshly as she stood up.

Naxsatha smiled, teasing him with her eyes. "What? You didn't like my little show back there?"

She was backhanded, falling back to the floor. The tomahawk was summoned while Naxsatha was down. She rose and brought out her whip.

"How can you listen to him? Don't you know what he's planning?" Naxsatha asked. She dodged the first swing of the tomahawk, hopping a few meters away. Lexaeus was obviously not going to listen to her. She snapped her whip at him. He charged again. This time Naxsatha waited too long to dodge. She was pinned against a wall, the heavy tomahawk on her chest.

"You were mine! No one else's!" Lexaeus yelled. Naxsatha only winced at the pressure.

"Go to... Hell!" She rasped out. The pressure increased on her chest before she was released. She stayed on all fours as she took huge gulps of air. "Not going to finish the job, huh? C'mon! End it! It's what you want, isn't it?"

Standing up, Naxsatha faced Lexaeus. He did not make an attempt to attack her. They glared at each other for some time. She finally made a noise of frustration.

"I hope you never return when you're killed." Naxsatha hissed. She took off in a portal before Lexaeus could hit her.

_These are the darkest clouds  
To have surrounded me  
Now I find my self alone caught in a cage  
There's no flower to be found in here  
Not withering  
Or pale to me  
Everyone with a friendly face  
Seems to hide some secret inside_

"'...I left that woman hours ago. Why are you still carrying her?'" Naxsatha finished the story. Nathan was closed to closing his eyes, bundled under the covers of his bed. She shut the book with a smile.

"Did Dad leave us?" Nathan found the strength to fight sleep for another moment.

Naxsatha frowned. She smoothed Nathan's hair. "No baby. Dad's just very busy. He promised to come back. There are just some things he needs to do first."

She leaned over to kiss Nathan on the forehead. He finally gave in. Naxsatha put the book on his nightstand, blowing out the candle as well. She stood from her seat on his bed and left the child's small bedroom. The door slid shut.

"Interesting." Xemnas was right there in the small hut. He had found her hiding place in Land of Dragons. "The child seems to have some affect on you."

"I guess you found out that Lexaeus didn't do his job." Naxsatha snapped quietly. "What do you want? I already tried to kill you once."

Xemnas smiled faintly, amused at her response. "Yet you are unlikely to do it again."

"Is that an invitation?" She mocked.

"An order."

Naxsatha quirked an eyebrow. "Oh really?"

"Yes." Xemnas opened a portal. "After all, I do know where your son lives."

_He told me he loved me  
While he laughed in my face  
He just led me astray  
He took my virtue  
I feel so cold inside  
Sorrow has frozen my mind_

After some time back in the Organization, Naxsatha's reputation did not change at all. Everyone still saw her as a traitor. Even worse than Marluxia and Larxene, whom Naxsatha discovered had betrayed their superiors as she had. Thus causing their destruction. Unfortunately (in her mind), everyone mysteriously returned to this life.

She was seen as an untouchable. Which suited Naxsatha just fine. She rather enjoyed her privacy and exclusion from certain meetings held. No one bothered with her.

That changed as she was walking to her bedroom after a mission. Naxsatha had not heard anyone behind her until she was pinned against the wall by her wrists and pelvis. Xaldin was pushing against her.

"I believe we have some unfinished business." He smirked. Underneath her cover, Naxsatha sneered before taking on his attitude about the subject.

"Back for more?" She was, after all, a Widow. It was evident the past was lost. And maybe even her own morality.

"I wouldn't call it that. Only fools kiss a snake." Xaldin released Naxsatha's one hand to pull her burqa off. She looked skeptically at him with narrow eyes. "However, that snake has not been slaughtered yet."

"Unlike the rest of you." Naxsatha answered coolly.

He leaned closer to her, their noses practically touching. She gave him a look of defiance. "I think you've gone mad on your own poison."

"Think so? Well, no poison now." Naxsatha smiled. She leaned even closer to put their lips together. Her eyes remained closed as she continued down to Xaldin's neck, his dreadlocks covering her head. His eyelids were half open as he held her waist. This would be good enough payment from the snake.

A door swung open from one room as something small scurried down the hall away from the scene. Naxsatha pulled away from Xaldin as they both looked.

"Nathan!" She yelled, but Xaldin held her tightly where she was. He laughed.

"He's not supposed to be here. And here I thought you had forgotten the past. You have nothing to worry about. The other Nobodies will take care of him, I'm sure." Xaldin taunted. Naxsatha pulled him into a strong kiss, putting plenty of poison in. It was more than last time. His eyes widened as he began to shake, fighting little against it. Naxsatha released him when she thought it would be enough. Xaldin fell flat on the floor. He would have appeared frozen if it wasn't for the shaking.

Placing the burqa back on, Naxsatha ran quickly in the direction she had seen Nathan run off in.

Nathan ran and ran. He thought only parents kissed each other and kids. But his mother had kissed someone who was not his father.

On the verge of tears, Nathan kept running through the castle until he bumped into someone. That someone was very tall, and much like Nathan. The boy fell onto his rear end and looked up.

Although this argument was held many times, Nathan had never seen Lexaeus until now. Naxsatha never allowed it for some reason. It had been years since the two males saw each other. Nathan always wanted to see his father again. He had planned many things for this moment. Yet now, he had nothing but terror on his mind. Both were speechless as Lexaeus' face was barely readable, hinting surprise. It was nothing like it was before, that fatherly look. That was gone.

"What is it?" Another man was behind Lexaeus. Nathan couldn't see (not that he bothered to look).

The other man – with long, sharp grey hair – came over to the frozen two. He raised his eyebrows, also not revealing much emotion. The two adults turned to look at each other.

"This is clearly Naxsatha's doing." The Superior sighed. "You should have taken care of her a long time ago."

No answer.

"She's using this as a personal attack." Xemnas warned. "This is a valid excuse to go finish the job you started."

He knelt next to Nathan. The boy physically looked like his father. But – and perhaps this was from the childish features – a closer look revealed how much of the mother was in him.

"Boy, has your mother told you anything of what we are?" Xemnas asked patiently, allowing a small smile on his face. Nathan certainly looked scared of him.

"No!" Was shrieked as the woman ran into the corridor. She collided with Xemnas, her hands around his neck. Naxsatha was quickly thrown off. Xemnas stood as if nothing happened. Naxsatha was quick to regain her bearings.

"Lexaeus, get him out of here!" She snapped bitterly. This was not a situation she wanted to deal with. These were definitely the wrong people, too.

"And why, would he take orders from you?" Xemnas questioned her inferiority. "If you want to hide so much from him, then why bring him here?"

"You know why I did." Naxsatha sneered.

"What's going on?" Nathan spoke up. Xemnas turned to him. With his power, he gestured towards Nathan. The boy fell unconscious, though his eyes were barely open.

Naxsatha screamed, clamoring to his side. She cradled him in her arms. Nothing happened. Nathan did not change. She put her head to his chest. At first there was nothing. Then, faintly, a slow beat could be heard. It was far too soft to be felt. Naxsatha sobbed.

"It will not take much longer. He is too young to have the chance we had." Xemnas informed, taking small pleasure in his work. Lexaeus remained as a stone wall, slowly crumbling with uncertainty.

"Is that what you think?" Naxsatha spoke with a quaking voice. "You think we are truly different from the rest of the worlds?"

Setting Nathan gently on the floor, she gracefully stood up. Though her anger was quite apparent.

"You choke everyone with your speeches about nobodies having no hears nor emotion. You force them all to believe it, but you don't let them find out for themselves. Because if you did, you would have no followers."

Xemnas was clearly displeased at hearing this. Naxsatha did nothing as he came closer. He lifted her by her neck. She just smiled, choking out more words.

"It's time we ended this game, don't you think, Xehanort?" Naxsatha chuckled.

She cringed as he began to kill her with Darkness. But Naxsatha did not fight back. Everyone was tense. She was released once she had no strength left.

"How fitting." Xemnas looked at the two on the floor with no sympathy. "Come, Lexaeus. You've abandoned the name Aeleus for some time now."

The Superior made his way to leave the corridor. He looked back when he realized Lexaeus still had not moved.

"Lexaeus." Xemnas commanded, "This was something you should have done a long time ago."

Stern-faced, the tall man turned away from the scene. "Yes, Superior."

As they left the hall, one glance was taken over the shoulder. Conveniently, Axel entered from the other end. He took in what he saw, but said nothing.

Naxsatha crawled over to Nathan, both barely hanging on. She held him close.

"Hey." Naxsatha murmured above his head. "Hang in there, champ."

"Mom..." Nathan groaned, "You said you would never die."

"I'm not dying. Just doing a disappearing act." She smiled.

"Mom..."

"You're going to be fine. I'll catch up with you later."

"Dad left us."

"Stop saying that! He did not!" Naxsatha scolded. She calmed herself. "We will all be together again someday."

Nathan went silent, but was still alive. Naxsatha, without a glance, caught the other redhead. "Axel."

He had almost escaped, but slowly went to the nearly-dead. He crouched down beside them. "So you finally pissed him off enough."

"You would have done the same thing if you were in my place." Naxsatha answered. "And if you knew what I do."

"You think you have it all figured out?" Axel shook his head with a laugh.

"I know you'll probably get out just fine. But the others don't have the sense to pull away from the man that will destroy them."

"Geez. No wonder they all think you're crazy."

"Look, hero-"

"I'm not a hero."

"Oh yes you are. Listen, I need you to do something."

They both looked at the boy. Naxsatha loosened her grip on him. Axel began to pull Nathan into his arms. He started resisting with little movement. He grabbed onto her arm with a tight grip. Axel was stuck bent over her.

"No Mom. I don't want to go!" The boy protested weakly.

"You have to. I will meet you later." Nathan fought no more after that. Naxsatha's arm was dropped as he fell back unconscious. She turned her attention to Axel. "Take him somewhere safe. And don't let anyone near him." Opening his mouth to argue, Axel was interrupted. "I don't care who it is."

Finally thinking he was free, Axel turned his back to Naxsatha and opened a portal. He carried Nathan in his arms rather than over his shoulder. But the redhead was called back.

"Don't forget to finish the job."

He smirked as he turned around. "Guess that's the only thing I'm good for around here. Cleaning up the mess others made."

Naxsatha made no comment for a moment. Yet it was clear Axel wanted more out of her before he'd get on with it. She sighed painfully, "You're getting the adventure you always wanted."

Thinking of countering that with spite, Axel decided it was just best to set Nathan down and summon a chakram. Naxsatha always had a way to anger anyone she wanted to. Well fine. With malice and unexplained anger, Axel threw that fire wheel down. It struck right into Naxsatha's chest with much force. She gurgled something from the impact, then proceeded to fade to Nothingness. Axel picked Nathan back up into his arms again. He stood there until the woman and his chakram were completely gone.

"Alright squirt. Let's get you out of here."

_My heart is covered  
With thoughts entangled  
How could it ever have felt so real?  
Is there a place more lonely than I feel within?  
Could I have seen?  
Could I have known?  
I just took it as the truth  
Everyone with a friendly face  
Seems to hide some secret inside_

The deed was done. No questions were raised about it. Naxsatha disappeared from everything, barely surviving in memory. As for the boy, few knew that the incident happened, and knew that he was just as good as dead. Except for Axel.

For the days that followed after the incident, Axel felt no better each time he woke up. It confused him. It frustrated him. In missions, he seemed more aggressive. Why? Axel and Naxsatha had never spent much time together, even as Somebodies. She was nice, but that's it. And the kid – Axel did as he promised. So why was he still angry? He wasn't really angry... No, he was pretty sure he was. Another issue that confused Axel to no end, and did not help relieve him of his frustration.

He grew sick of the other members as they went on about their business every day. He had no idea why, when a week ago he was acting just the same way. But Axel could tell that he was apart from the group. He wasn't just another Nobody, like many of them were. They went along as if the past didn't exist, that they were free in this life because they could not care. Why couldn't they care? It was like they didn't even remember! Even Saix was distant to Axel, having completely changed. Saix didn't care. Nobodies did not care.

Pacing his room, Axel punched his wardrobe as part of his outburst. "What the hell is wrong with you people?"

He looked out the window at the giant Heart of a moon. Then at his fist on the wardrobe. Axel realized how heavy he was breathing over this. He wondered how loud he had been. Looking around, Axel found the answer. Lexaeus was in the doorway, giving him an unreadable look. Damn him and his vague visage!

"Hey big guy." Axel put his hand to his side as he turned around to face the other man. "Need something?"

Still with that deep thought in his face, Lexaeus stepped into the room. The silence between them was awkward. It was not like they had much to do with each other. Lexaeus often avoided Axel, which suited the other just fine.

"Where did you take Nathan?" The larger Nobody rumbled, as if the topic itself was one he did not want to discuss. At least they weren't trying to kill each other yet. Axel was sure that would happen eventually.

"No where. If you didn't figure it out, the kid didn't last that-"

"Axel," Lexaeus stated coldly, taking a step closer. He kept his wording slow with that deep tone of his. "Where. Is. Nathan?"

The spike-head took a step back. Angry as he seemed, he was not going to take it out on someone larger than him. Only when Hell seems like paradise. Axel was not one for breaking promises, either. Naxsatha had said no one. He thought that was a little harsh. Of course, she was pretty harsh as a Nobody. But – ugh! Once again, everyone had to be stupid and complicate things, didn't they?

"I took him to Yen Sid." Axel made things more simple.

_He told me he loved me  
While he laughed in my face  
He just led me astray  
He took my virtue  
I feel so cold inside  
Sorrow has frozen my mind_

Life in the Mysterious Tower was lonely and dull. Rarely was there ever anyone there besides Yen Sid. There was no one to spy on – Yen Sid never did anything fun. Nathan was often left to play with himself. Much like it was at the Castle That Never Was.

Occupying himself often took place outside of the tower. Much of the rooms were crowded and unsuitable for children with Yen Sid's projects. He didn't seem to have a constant eye on Nathan when the boy was outdoors.

For two hours, Nathan chased a butterfly far from the tower. He wanted to know if butterflies became caterpillars again if their wings were taken off. It seemed logical that they would.

The mariposa fluttered in a grove by the time Nathan got close to it. He hid in some bushes, waiting for it to land on a rock by the stream.

Some noise was behind Nathan. He looked over his shoulder at the sound of something crunching fallen sticks and moving through thick vegetation. It was probably Yen Sid – or more likely, one of his associates come to take him back to the tower. This was too far. Nathan was never allowed to go beyond the limit. He waited in the bush, hoping that whoever or whatever would just walk on through without noticing him.

Noticing that the butterfly had finally landed on a rock, Nathan prepared to pounce at it. He forgot about the footsteps as the person had suddenly grown silent, as if they had left.

With a leap, Nathan burst out of the bush and clapped his hands at the wings. He thought he had it, until his hands opened to reveal nothing. The butterfly fluttered overhead.

"Stay still."

Nathan whipped himself around to see who had spoken. Lexaeus stepped next to him. They spent a moment looking at each other, speechless. Following his own advice, Lexaeus did not move as the butterfly decided to land on his shoulder. He was as still as a statue.

"Dad..." Nathan was finally able to speak. Lexaeus knelt down in front of him, the butterfly within the boy's reach. In just a few years, Nathan had changed a lot. He seemed to be the only thing that had changed in the eternity they had been apart.

"Good things come with patience." Lexaeus stated wisely. He slowly slipped his hand on his shoulder, so the mariposa could be moved to Nathan's much smaller palm.

They ended up sitting in the glade for awhile in silence. Neither knew what to say. Nathan realized that something had changed in his father – something that did not make him comfortable. That must have been why Naxsatha had protected him so much.

"What happened?" Nathan tried asking. It was a start to his myriad of questions.

Lexaeus sighed, looking down as he avoided the answer. "You'll find out when you're older."

"Aren't I old enough now?"

"Patience."

Nathan looked down at the butterfly in his cupped hands. "I saw Mom kissing someone else."

Caught off-guard by that, Lexaeus wasn't sure what to say. Nor was he sure what to think about that. Though he could guess that it was Xaldin. Considering that the Lancer had been suffering from poisoning while Naxsatha was dying, it would be impossible not to make the connection. Lexaeus had stood by and done nothing. He let both his wife and child slip away twice. Aeleus would have never let it happen. What had happened to him? Naxsatha had only annoyed him in this life, and Lexaeus hadn't seen Nathan in years. Her personality and attitude – was she onto something, or pulling through for their son? Perhaps she hadn't gone insane, after all.

Something stirred in Lexaeus' chest. He began to realize much from spending time with Nathan. The boy wasn't the only one who had changed from this. Although having a calm visage, the tall man was trembling on the inside. He had been a fool all this time. He had run off from his first responsibility. No one could pay for the damage done (though Lexaeus would like to pin the damage on Xaldin, for an unclear reason).

"She did what she had to, to keep you safe." Lexaeus came up with a resolution. He knew that he had been the one to push Naxsatha to that length of corruption. "Always remember that."

"She told me that we'd all be together again, like we were before." Nathan looked to the rising moon.

"We will be."

The butterfly stayed in Nathan's palm through this. He looked at it one final time, before lifting his hands slightly so it would flutter away. He watched it take off for the trees.

Without realizing what he was doing at first, Lexaeus put his hand on the boy's auburn hair. They lost Naxsatha, but they still had each other. He smiled has he smoothed the shaggy hair. Nathan didn't understand. Lexaeus knew now that he could not lose any more than what he already had.

_Always there to remind me  
It keeps me from believing  
That someone might be there  
Who'll free me and never ever leave me _


End file.
